Please Read, For those who need help!

Here is an article that was originally posted by my friend Madonna. If you are interested in reading more You can find her blog at: http://ww1.yuwie.com/profile/?id=40853 PLEASE SEEK HELP,TRY TO GET A GRIP,WE ALL NEED TO READ		add to favorites
There are many definitions used to talk about codependency today. The original concept of codependency was developed to acknowledge the responses and behaviors people develop from living with an alcoholic or substance abuser. A number of attributes can be developed as a result of those conditions. However, over the years, codependency has expanded into a definition which describes a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem solving developed during childhood by family rules. One of many definitions of codependency is: a set of *maladaptive, *compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing *great emotional pain and stress. *maladaptive - inability for a person to develop behaviors which get needs met. *compulsive - psychological state where a person acts against their own will or conscious desires in which to behave. *sources of great emotional pain and stress - chemical dependency; chronic mental illness; chronic physical illness; physical abuse; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; divorce; hypercritical or non-loving environment. As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment. Even when a codependent person encounters someone with healthy boundaries, the codependent person still operates in their own system; they’re not likely to get too involved with people who have healthy boundaries. This of course creates problems that continue to recycle; if codependent people can’t get involved with people who have healthy behaviors and coping skills, then the problems continue into each new relationship. Why do we become codependent? What causes it? It’s widely believed we become codependent through living in systems (families) with rules that hinder development to some degree. The system (usually parents and relatives) has been developed in response to some problem such as alcoholism, mental illness or some other secret or problem. General rules set-up within families that may cause codependency may include: It’s not okay to talk about problems Feelings should not be expressed openly; keep feelings to yourself Communication is best if indirect; one person acts as messenger between two others; known in therapy as triangulation Be strong, good, right, perfect Make us proud beyond realistic expectations Don’t be selfish Do as I say not as I do It’s not okay to play or be playful Don’t rock the boat. Many families have one or more of these rules in place within the family. These kinds of rules can constrict and strain the free and healthy development of people’s self-esteem, and coping. As a result, children can develop non-helpful behavior characteristics, problems solving techniques, and reactions to situations in adult life How can counseling help? For people with codependency, individual counseling can teach assertiveness, listening, and communication. Counseling can help you become more aware of non-helpful actions/behaviors, and work with you on developing new, healthier coping skills. In the case of codependency though, counseling only helps if the counselor is aware of their own tendency towards codependence, or if the counselor has some understanding about the addictive push in our society. Counselors, in the case of codependency, need to present good boundary setting and healthy living themselves during sessions with clients. If a counselor develops a working relationship with a client that has codependent qualities, again, the pattern is repeated, and therapy may not be as helpful. Some statistics show 50-80% of counselors have not addressed their own codependency issues. So one must be careful in choosing a counselor for this kind of support. There are also self-help groups for codependency, called CODA groups. More information is available through local alcoholism services. If you can’t find a CODA group, there’s also ACA (adult children of alcoholics groups) that deal with similar issues CODA groups might deal with. If you are interested in making some money, check out www.yuwie.com Tell the Georgianna sent you!

My 50th Birthday

This year, I celebrated a birthday milestone. On December 18, 2007, I turned 50 years old. While I had awaited this with great expectation, I had planned very special treats for various friends in the past and often pondered what they might do in return. I had imagined some great surprise, a big party or a special guest at the celebration; William Peterson (Grissom, CSI) was the best one I could think of.

While I pondered all this special attention to be made on me, my friends had something much more subtle in mind. We had a small, low-key celebration a couple of weeks before at Steve and Margie’s house. Cake and a couple of presents, but I couldn’t believe that that would be all there was to it. Turns out, it was and it wasn’t. I guess I still don’t get it. With my birthday being so close to Christmas, it is better to do this earlier in the month, so that everyone could be there. Steve, Margie Jim, Linda, Mitch, Rick, Becca and Eva all sang “Happy Birthday” and Becca and Eva helped me to blow out the 50 candles! We had to do it twice, so they could take pictures.

But even with that sweet gift from my friends, I still thought something even grander was in store. Silly me! On the Sunday before my birthday, last Sunday to be exact; my son Josh treated me to lunch and a movie. We went to Ditto’s, one of my favorite restaurants and saw “I am Legend” starring Will Smith. I didn’t want to go to one of the larger theaters, so we went to Baxter Avenue for the matinee. He would not let me spend any of my own money; he even bought me a cup of coffee after the movie while we waited for our ride. You have to understand that this is my 22-year-old son, who up until this fall had not had much of a job to speak of. Now he is taking his mother out for her birthday.

Now you would think I would be satisfied with that. But the tale is not over! On Tuesday, the actual day that I was born, my birthday, I was still contemplating this marvelous celebration. Up to and even when Jim came to pick me up from work, I was still not sure of what was happening. The best way to describe it is, it is like the story “Twas the Night Before Christmas”. Tales of sugarplums danced in their heads!

Steve had told me a few days prior that he and Margie had wanted to take me out to dinner for my birthday. Okay, that was a nice thing to do. What I didn’t expect was that it would turn into a family celebration. When he picked me up, I asked if he had decided where we were going or was that going to be up to me. He said we were going to the Old Spaghetti Factory, downtown. And by the way, all four of the boys and the in-laws, well one of them anyway, plus children were coming, too. Okay, but I still wanted to know what surprise was in store for me.

We got to the restaurant and had to wait for a table, of course. Bit by bit the kids started showing up. Even Jim was there. What I hadn’t really considered was that the grandchildren were going to be there.

Much to my surprise, Joel showed up with both Haley, his stepdaughter and his new son, Caden, 4 weeks old. Now, Caden and I had not met and what a wonderful birthday surprise. I guess you can say this was one of the best birthday’s I have ever had. Haley, Caden and I just had the best time ever. While the rest of the adults ate and talked, we sat and made faces and played and were just silly. It was just what I needed.

Peace Camp 2007

I am now attempting to give you an update of this years Baptist Peace Fellowship of North America's Summer Conference or "Peace Camp" as it is so affectionately called. I was introduced to this back in 2000. This year it was held on the campus of Berea College in Berea, KY Now, I won't miss it! It has become just another part of home to me.

It was a great week and so good to see everyone. It is like this big family reunion and there are always some relatives that you have never met before. We had lots of good music thanks to Sy Kahn and Alecia Pagan and Ray Two Crows Wallen.
There were interesting speakers on some very interesting subjects. I went to one where Glen Stassen gave us some interesting ways to talk about bringing peace to our world. I also went to a writing workshop with Rita Nakashima Brock and learned about how to write your memories. We were also treated to a reading by Kentucky author, Wendell Berry. While I have heard Mr. Berry speak in the past, I have never read one of his books. That is going to change!

The other real important thing that we learned about last week was the status of the gulf area. Victims of Hurricane’s Katrina and Rita are still suffering and are in need of assistance. We met with three pastors from New Orleans who are working to bring attention and help to their community. The Baptist Peace Fellowship of North America has been working with these pastors to help rebuild. While we were at the conference, one of the member churches agreed to join in support of the effort in the Gulf Area.

Just as an aside, my church, Highland Baptist, sent a team of workers down to Chalmette this week to help with the rebuilding effort. This was something that was planned outside of the conference, but I was glad to be able to share with the pastors of our efforts.

I guess my favorite part of Peace Camp is the fellowship with my friends there. Sometimes we just sit around and talk, sometimes everyone brings their instruments and snacks and we have a sing-a-long. I don't think it is a surprise that this would be my favorite. If you know me, then you know how much I enjoy family and singing and the building of relationships. The snacks don't hurt, either!

You know us Baptists gotta have food!!!

All in all the week was very exhausting, it always is, but this time was so different for me in that I felt more like I had come home. Last year I was so sick and didn't feel up to doing much. I really didn't enjoy things as much as I did this year. I am so grateful to God that I am feeling better and have more energy.

Listen, sometime in the near future, my son Josh is going to be posting a video on his MySpace page from the Churches Supporting Churches group. When he does, I will make sure that a link will be available. We will also have some pictures from the week, itself.

Next year it is scheduled to be in Montreal!!!