It started out fairly well, Lori and Lilli were going to have their first dry (free from drugs and alcohol) summer ever and Josh was temporarily employed at Churchill Downs and living with Elizabeth. I was unemployed, looking for work. Still singing with the Friday Night Band and living with Jim. This is how things have been for the past nearly a year.
We knew that my brother, Leon was going to Afghanistan, but not exactly when. After all they have been talking about this for some time. Donna and Denise are busy working and Wayne turned 50 in May.
With all this going on, we decided to have a family picnic in early June in anticipation of Leon’s being away for Guard training and the summer heat. It was at the picnic that this story starts.
The picnic itself was fairly well organized, it came off really well. Almost all the kids showed up and we had a good time. But every one of my siblings thinks they are in charge and often there are too many chiefs and not enough Indians. (Not a racist comment!) After all we are part Cherokee…
We had more food; we could have easily fed ten more people. Steven was at the grill and then there came the time for Leon’s big announcement. He announces that he is going to Afghanistan in August and that he and his wife, Pam of over 20 years are getting a divorce. He acted like these things were related and that it was going to be a big surprise to us all.
It was sometime after that that I stopped singing with the band. All I can say about that is that things have a beginning and an ending. Things change and so must we all adapt to the change. Just one note about this; as much as it hurt in the beginning to not be part of the band, I understand why this happened and realize that it was time for the change and I have accepted it. Traumatic as that was, I have moved on.
Health issues have been a topic this summer, as well. We had a recheck of the earlier in the year colonoscopy. In the space of three weeks I had a tooth pulled and an episode with my gall bladder. Each of those problems has caused me to rethink some of the ways I have been living.
Needless to say, I have had to adjust my diet and my attitude toward nearly everything. I looked at my life, my health and yes, some of my relationships. I am no longer happy to sit here. I had almost forgotten who I was and what made me happy.
Today, I have almost completely eliminated meat from my diet. I am back to reading and writing. I am looking for a job, but I have also gone back to Vocational Rehab. I am starting to take charge of my life again. I have decided I have lived in Richard’s house long enough. He needs to have his home back; I can see that in him. I don’t know how long it is going to take, but I know that I am moving in the right direction. I just pray that God will give me the patience to do this the right way.
The other change…I have discovered a new freedom. In all the things that have happened this summer, I have realized that something else has ended as well. I am no longer just Lori and Josh’s mom, not in my eyes or in the eyes of others. I know that I am now in a new phase of my life and that it is out there for me to discover. What does that mean? I’m not sure yet. I do know that for the first time in my life I don’t feel I have to take care of someone. I mean that in the sense of being a parent or a wife. I still care a great deal for others, but I don’t want to change their diapers...
