Praises!!!

What an amazing time for me! Things are changing, right before my eyes! I don't know if I have much to say right now other than that! All I do know is that I have just been singing all day! Praise be to God for God's marvelous blessings! Worthy is the Lamb, the babe in the manger, my sovereign Lord!

Alone at last...

Any one who knows me know that I came from a big family and have always been surrounded by people. Whether it's parents and siblings, spouses and children or at this point, housemates. I have been one of group living, so to speak. That is until this past week! As of today I have been apartment/cat sitting for my friend, Megan who is out of town.

I believe that this is the longest time I have purposely been alone in my entire life. Part of me is enjoying it, but there is another part of me that is getting really bored. I don't have a lot to do and I'm even getting bored with Facebook! If you would have told me a few weeks ago that I could ever be bored with Facebook, I would have laughed quietly and let you enjoy that fantasy.

Now to say that I am alone is not completely true. I did mention a cat, didn't I? One of the big reasons I am here is to take care of her highness, Miss Gracie Lou Fluffybutt! I say that jokingly, she is spoiled, but we seem to be getting along just fine. We have our disagreements; I want to sit my things on the table next to the bed (clearly a no-no)...it blocks her path to the window, we are working on boundary issues (no you can't play with my glasses!). But she knows where the treats are kept and will come ask if she wants some, even if it is 4am!

Overall, I'm doing okay. Just having trouble getting myself motivated to make some of the phone calls or do the things I need to do. I wonder if I am going to have this much trouble doing what I need to do if I really get a place of my own?

What a Wonderful year!

Well, it's December 23rd and almost Christmas. I'm amazed at the way this year has gone. But then I usually am. Saying what I am thankful for and counting and recounting every blessing. This time I have decided to write it down here.

The biggest thing to have happened this year is having the ability to let go. There is a song we sing at Friday Church that is called "Release and Let Go". I took that as my mantra for the summer. There were a lot of things I just needed to let go of. Some things that made me angry, some things that broke mt heart, but I had to leard to "let it all go" as the song says.

The next big thing for me was I changed from singing tenor to alto in choir. Now some might think that isn't a big deal. But it has caused me to face a few things. One, I don't care for sitting with the women. I keep thinking that this is going to make me identified with these women. Sounds stupid, I know but that is how I felt when I first changed parts. Two, I have to learn all new parts. I have been skating along, all these years, in the tenor section, especially during the holidays, because we sing a lot of the same music from year to year and so I only had a limited amount of music I had to actually learn. Number three, I no longer stand out. When I sang tenor, I was an anomaly. I liked that, I stood out! Which leads to some the other things that have happened this year.

My friend, Megan said that she finally had to realize that she was not going to be the big time, hot shot and accept what God has given her. One of her favorite sayings comes from Mother Theresa, "None of us can do anything great on our own, but we can all do a small thing with great love." Truth is, not many of us really get to be the "hot shot" we dream of, but we are all called to do the small things, with great love. That is one of the things I have learned and still learning from Megan. She is one of the big things that has happened to me this year.

I asked God to send me someone to help me get out of the situation I am in. I knew what I wanted and needed, but didn't have the clarity of thought to do it on my own. God sent me Megan. I have known her for a long time, but just casually. Now, I am cat-sitting for her while she is out of town. She comes to the house to pick me up. She helps me run errands that otherwise don't get done or they are done at Jim's convenience (and with a lot of heavy sighing or complaining). Over all she is helping me to get up and live the life I should be living.

Something else happened this year. There are several people in my family who have passed away. I mentioned most of them in a previous post. One I didn't mention was my stepsister Anita. This is really strange because I can't for the life of me remember her last name. It's in my head somewhere, but it isn't coming to where I can access it.

Another thing, related to the music is that I gained enough confidence to be able to go on a choir tour with members of our Sanctuary Choir and 12 African Students, studying in Morocco. Voices United! I now have a whole new world of friends from that experience. That was one of the most wonderful and exhausting experiences of my life.

I also went of vacation, alone this year! Something I had never done!

And look at me, writing all this stuff about me!

Wow, Something Happened!

Well, something happened this year. In spite of unusual tension surrounding the holidays, Thanksgiving went very well. There was the missing orange juice for the sauce over the sweet potatoes and the travel arrangments for the the family overflow this year. When it comes right down to it, those things were minor in comparison to the things I have to be thankful for.

My Thanksgiving begins on Thursday morning with church and then breakfast at HBC. I stayed with Megan Wednesday night so that she wouldn't have to come out to pick me up and so that I didn't have to go in with the alternative ride, the "Eggman" (Steve Brown) had to be there at 6am. I'm still not a morning person!

Part of the church service is the naming of things we are thankful for. The things I am thankful are not so tangible this year. Some of them are:

1. My children: Lori is doing better- While she had a bad relationship earlier this year. She got herself out of it and is now talking to someone that we think we like. Josh has grown alot this year- He had to move out of the house with Elizabeth, but that wasn't all bad. He has finally found an apartment. He has a lot to learn, but he seems to be doing okay.

The best part of this is that I have finally been able to get both my kids to depend on me less!

2. Me: I have done a lot of work on me this year. I went on vacation, by myself for the first time in about 20 years and I got to go on a choir tour with a group of students studying in Morocco. How blessed I am!

3. My Friends: I am learning to trust people and myself a little more. I have prayed that God give me direction for my life. I have been unemployed for almost two years. Learning that some of the things I attributed to others, was in my mind, helped me to understand some of the ways I could work on myself. That helps me to have a clearer understanding of the direction my life is taking.

I'm going to stop here for now. Iam going to try to post more often, but we will see what happens!

Okay, So I skipped yesterday!

Yes, I skipped writing yesterday, but then Sunday's are always busy. Yesterday was proof that my children still have issues, but different ones. It took forever to get things organised, yesterday. Church was very good, Lilli rang handbells for the first time in worship. They really did a good job! I continue to be impressed by the music program at Highland! Thanks to Rick, Libby, Mac and Marilyn for all the work you do with our children.

After church, there was planning for lunch. I told the kids that I could not treat them to lunch this week. Lori was okay with that, but Josh managed to talk someone into fronting him for lunch with the guarantee that he would pay them back. I was not happy, but I guess I need to let him be responsible for himself.

As I continue to make my plans, I really need to maintain some focus. I made a list of things I need to do this week and now I must find a way to do them.

Day 2

Wow, here I am for the second day in a row! I did something yesterday that I had been needing to do for a couple of weeks. Well, I did more than that, I have made some decisions. The first decision I made was this...I know that it is doing me no good sitting here at Carol Rd. I really need to get up out of here! So, I made a call to someone who may be able to help me. I hesitate to say who it was at this time, but needless to say, this person has many connections and told me that she would look into the situation and help me to see what my options are. I then copied a not to several of my friends who have been helping me.

I also went to Friday Church! My friend, Joe was there...he is really supportive of what is going on. The service was good and I talked to Keisha. She encourged not to fear; reminding me that God is at my side, always! She said that God would not leave me with out a roof over my head, food to eat or without anything else I might need.

God has put some great people of faith in my path! More later.

Things just have to move on from here!

What happened? There was a time when I lived on my own and I got out there and did what it was I needed to do. It seems that over the last five years or so, I have become this slug. Now, I can't seem to get motivated to do anything on my own. My friends are trying to help me, but I only do things when they are available. When I am on my own, I do little more than sit around and play computer games.

It's not like I don't know what I need to do and when I am away from home, I seem to get more done. But, when I go home, I'm back to sitting in front of the computer. I know I have potential, I know that I have a lot going for me, but for the life of me I can't seem to figure out what it is that is holding me back! Am I that afraid of getting out there on my own? Is it so scary that I am frozen in my tracks? Maybe it's just laziness? Maybe, just maybe, I am just making excuses not to do what I need to do.

Well, I need to think about this some more. I'm going to stop and go do something else. What I do know just from this little bit is that something needs to change and that being able to write like this is good for me.

It's Been a Mighty Long Time

As the title indicates, it has been a mighty long time since you have seen me here. Life has been rather busy and summer seemed to have flown by. Let me fill you in on just how crazy things have been.

Since I am now an empty nester and I don't have children around all the time I tend to forget just how quickly they grow up. This year, Lilli turned 10, my son Josh got his first apartment (yes, he went kicking and screaming into adulthood) and my nephew Stephen got married and his sister Amie has a baby due the first of the year. It's not just relatives, either. Eric, who I thought was going to end up a confirmed bachelor, got married, to the lovely Amanda. There are more babies due than I can shake a stick at. Carol, Shanda, Brittany, Molly, Allie and I've already told you about Amie...

On the end of life side, there have been friends and family who have gone home for the last time. Danny Brunton, Emily Thomas, Jessie Davis, Alvie Ray Miller, Ann Mildred Miller, and Juanita Glaze. All of these folks passed away in the past two months. They will be missed.

I guess this is all for now. I always say I hope to write more often and I guess I do mean that, maybe it will happen!

This week

When I say this week, I really mean the last seven days, not the ones to come...

Under "Kids Say the Darndest Things" we have my great nieces, Jaide, age 6 and Chloe, age 3.

Jaide: "Justin Beaver(Beiber)is not only cute, he is S-I-X!"

(We think she was trying to spell sexy!) What I want to know is What does a 6 year old think sexy is?

Chloe: (At the dinner table) "I want some ass-o-sauce!(applesauce)

Another Christmas Memory

Today's memory is not so much a memory but a tradition. There are many things that could be considered a tradition. The walnuts in Pappee’s slippers were a tradition, in the sense that it was something that probably started with my mom and continued with the grandchildren. Everyone seems to have things that they do every year. We have several things, those are the things I have been writing about and will write about in the days to come.

A fresh fruit salad was one of the dishes always on the table at Christmas dinner. It seemed that every year, no matter what the economic condition, there was a fruit salad. Apples (a couple of different kinds), oranges, tangerines, grapes (sometimes with seeds, sometimes not), bananas and walnuts (not the kind that we already shelled, but the ones we shelled by hand) were all a part of the dish. Most of the time, I remember that it was my grandmother, Mammaw who did all the work. As we girls got older, we got to help. I can remember many times, sitting at the kitchen table cracking walnuts! It was one of our favorite dishes at the holidays!

Today, Mammaw, Pappee, Mom and Dad are all gone. Produce is much more expensive these days, but still we manage to have our fruit salad. For me, it is a precious memory of what was.

Christmastide is here, Part 2

As I was thinking about what memory to share, I told my daughter Lori, what I was doing. She reminded me of something that I did for her and her daughter on their first Christmas. I think I will let tell you that story sometime in the future. For me, I want to share some memories that were important in my life, not what I have done for others. That isn't who I am.

Many of my favorite memories of Christmas involve my grandparents. I don't know why that surprises me; they were such a big part of my life! My grandfather, Roscoe Lindsey, especially so. He was a rock and I later learned and recovering alcoholic. But he was a good Christian man and I never saw him take a drink.

Pappee, as we called him, always enjoyed playing with the grandchildren. One of his favorite Christmas gags was to tell the kids that he hoped that when Santa came on Christmas Eve that he didn't fill his house slippers with walnuts, as he always seemed to do. And of course he would go to bed and one kid would be chosen to go in and get his house slippers after he "went to sleep". We would fill his slippers with walnuts and place them back where they were, next to the bed. The next morning, Pappee would get up and go to put his feet in his slippers...sure enough; Santa had filled his slippers with nuts, once again! You would hear him holler from the bedroom...I never got tired of that!

Christmastide is here!

Well, the intention was there...I was going to write a Christmas memory for every day of Christmastide, but I was so tired last night, I simply went to bed. Since this one is about Christmas when I was 2 years old, it would only be right to dedicate this to my little grandson, Andrew, also two years old.

Today, I begin with my earliest Christmas memory. When I was 2 years old I remember Santa coming to my Mammaw and Pappee's house. He brought me and my new little brother, Wayne who had been born in May of that year, our presents. It was so cool! Santa brought me twin dolls, a doll bed and a play iron and ironing board. And before he left, my Mammaw grabbed him and gave him a big ol' kiss, right on the mouth! He was so surprised that he just fell down right in the floor!
Now, you might speculate that I really don't remember that happening. I can tell you that I have heard stories about that event, all of my life. There is also a home movie of this same event, somewhere?

News from the front

I have been reading from other people's blogs, posts on Facebook and other places and it has given me much to think about. I'm not sure just what I want to write about today. I just felt the need to get some of these things out of my head!

It has been a pretty interesting year for me. I have been unemployed for most of 2009 and consequestly had to rely on unemployment insurance for the first time. That has been at times a frustrating experience. Sometimes, not worth the small amount I receive, but in all I am very grateful.

Not working has also made me look at some other things in my life. One was what to do with myself when I couldn't find a job. This year I have done several thing to keep me busy. I have begun to work more diligently on my crafts. in other words my crocheting. Another thing I have done is to start working on myself a little more. Next week I have an appointment with Vocational Rehab, to go over a "career plan" with my caseworker. I am also considering doing something about where I live. I am no longer satisfied sitting here and doing nothing.

The biggest problem for me, is that I am a natural procratinator. It really is hard for me to keep the momentum going. I'm not sure what it will take to get me out of this rut, but I am determined to do it. I have finished raising my children and now it is time for me to do what I need to do.

There, that's a start! I know there is more to come!

A new perspective

I have been reading some of the blogs my friends write and have come to some conclusions. I think it might be good for me to take some time and just write about the things that are on my mind. I say this because there are times when I have so much in my head, I find that writing helps to clear my mind.

So watch out, I will be here more often or that is the plan right now, more later!

Reflections on Addiction and Recovery

Tonight, I was listening to the speaker at the AA meeting at SIS. As I listened to the experiences of those who were in attendance, I began to think and compare their experiences to those I had when I was at my wildest. I can remember being at some of the same points as those I heard speak. Were it not for making some different decisions and God's grace, I would most certainly be in the same position as they are today.

I can remember thinking that I thought I was cool when I tried pot for the first time. I wanted to fit in and I had never had the courage when I lived in Jefferson County. It wasn't around, I guess. I can remember drinking Wild Turkey with Tommy at the place where his sister lived, not far from where I live now. That was daring, but more acceptable in my family. While I can trace these beginnings and I could blame the things that were going on at home, I still have to take responsibility for my part in the choices I made.

I know that God must have had some plans for me because things could have turned out so different.

Change is Good

Somethin's happenin' here, what it is ain't exactly clear, singing songs and carrying signs...that seems to be the song that comes to mind these days. Not because of the conflict in our nation, although that may be part of it, it seems to have more to do with my personal life than anything else. So many things are happening that it sometimes makes my head spin. You know what happens when you finally get to a point where you either do something or sit around and wait for the end of life? I was at that point at the beginning of summer.

I am at the age where I no longer have to responsibility of children and it seems that the work I have done in the past is not nearly as relevant as it once was. In other words, I want to live and feel and do something before I get so old that I can't. I am not sure as to what that is, but I know that it is out there.

Is that a midlife crisis?

In an earlier post I wrote about some of the things that went on this summer. My next younger sibling turned 50, my baby brother announced that he was "volunteering" for his second tour of duty, this time to Afghanistan and my time singing with the Friday Night Band had come to an end. Oh, and I am unemployed! While all these things were fairly important, in and of themselves, the emotional and spiritual changes that came along with them were equally as significant.

For the last four years, since Dad had died I have been living with my friend Jim. (I hate the term boyfriend, sounds so high school and all.) At first things were good, we lived in the house that he had rented for many years and we also had other roommates, as well. But after being there for only eight short months, we found out that the owner was selling the house and that we would need to move. That brings us to where we are now. Because we had to move in a hurry and there wasn't time to save money to move, our only real choice was to move in with another friend of Jim's. A man that had a home, not far away from where we were living. That all took place three years ago.

When we moved in there, Jim was sure that it would be short term and had told me that I shouldn't get comfortable. I know that he told me that for my own good. Now it has been three years and I'm still not comfortable and I want to have a place of my own.

That brings me back to the Summer of 2009.

This summer I decided that I had all I could take. I have difficulties with depression and a lot of physical ailments as well. I had become so depressed from looking for work and not being able to find anything, the whole issue with the band was devastating. I was about to give up! As a matter of fact I had given up! All of my days seemed to be filled with sitting in front of the television set and at the computer. My brain was going numb!

It was at that point when I started having contact with some friends from my past. These friends seemed to have some ideas that sounded promising. I decided to take a look at what they were talking about and see if there was indeed something there for me.

I can't say it was really just my friends though. I do believe that God had a hand in this. I think God knew that I was a the bottom and that is when God sent my friends to make me look up! And looking up is what I needed to do. I have started back to reading (thanks John and Michael), I have started meditating, and walking, and I started taking time to do the things I need to do for myself (thanks to Monte, Cynthia and Joe). I have lived all my life doing what I thought was right, what I thought was expected of me and denying myself in order to make it happen. I have put my dreams away. partly due to fear of what others would say or how they would react. It is at this point, now that I no longer accept that as reality.

I know that by declaring that I will conquer my fear and be the woman that God has intended for me to be, that it will not always be easy. And well, there is that fear of the unknown lurking out there, fear that God is going to drop me in the middle of something scary or hurtful or dangerous, but I know that is silly because I have faith that God knows what God is doing. In other words, I have a fear of losing control.

Or maybe it was a fear of taking control? Now that I think about it, I'm not sure that what I was really tired of is not being in control. In reality, I think maybe I had given up control instead and allow others to direct things for me.

Today, I am staying with my daughter, Lori. It's temporary because she suddenly got very ill and needed help with my granddaughter, Lilli. I have been here for a week and I don't know for sure how much longer I will need to be here. but I am here and God is using me and blessing me. A lot has changed since May 2009 and I had made a statement on my Facebook page that I had felt that 2009 was going to be year of change for me. It surely has, but it's not over...

How I spent my summer

I don’t ever remember having to write that terribly strange essay about what I did over the summer or on my Summer Vacation, I’m sure that I did, I just don’t remember it. I guess the reason I don’t remember is that I never thought my summers were anything out of the ordinary. Well, this time I am going to tell you about my summer. Some of it was good, some not so good.

It started out fairly well, Lori and Lilli were going to have their first dry (free from drugs and alcohol) summer ever and Josh was temporarily employed at Churchill Downs and living with Elizabeth. I was unemployed, looking for work. Still singing with the Friday Night Band and living with Jim. This is how things have been for the past nearly a year.




We knew that my brother, Leon was going to Afghanistan, but not exactly when. After all they have been talking about this for some time. Donna and Denise are busy working and Wayne turned 50 in May.

With all this going on, we decided to have a family picnic in early June in anticipation of Leon’s being away for Guard training and the summer heat. It was at the picnic that this story starts.



The picnic itself was fairly well organized, it came off really well. Almost all the kids showed up and we had a good time. But every one of my siblings thinks they are in charge and often there are too many chiefs and not enough Indians. (Not a racist comment!) After all we are part Cherokee…

We had more food; we could have easily fed ten more people. Steven was at the grill and then there came the time for Leon’s big announcement. He announces that he is going to Afghanistan in August and that he and his wife, Pam of over 20 years are getting a divorce. He acted like these things were related and that it was going to be a big surprise to us all.

It was sometime after that that I stopped singing with the band. All I can say about that is that things have a beginning and an ending. Things change and so must we all adapt to the change. Just one note about this; as much as it hurt in the beginning to not be part of the band, I understand why this happened and realize that it was time for the change and I have accepted it. Traumatic as that was, I have moved on.

Health issues have been a topic this summer, as well. We had a recheck of the earlier in the year colonoscopy. In the space of three weeks I had a tooth pulled and an episode with my gall bladder. Each of those problems has caused me to rethink some of the ways I have been living.

Needless to say, I have had to adjust my diet and my attitude toward nearly everything. I looked at my life, my health and yes, some of my relationships. I am no longer happy to sit here. I had almost forgotten who I was and what made me happy.

Today, I have almost completely eliminated meat from my diet. I am back to reading and writing. I am looking for a job, but I have also gone back to Vocational Rehab. I am starting to take charge of my life again. I have decided I have lived in Richard’s house long enough. He needs to have his home back; I can see that in him. I don’t know how long it is going to take, but I know that I am moving in the right direction. I just pray that God will give me the patience to do this the right way.

The other change…I have discovered a new freedom. In all the things that have happened this summer, I have realized that something else has ended as well. I am no longer just Lori and Josh’s mom, not in my eyes or in the eyes of others. I know that I am now in a new phase of my life and that it is out there for me to discover. What does that mean? I’m not sure yet. I do know that for the first time in my life I don’t feel I have to take care of someone. I mean that in the sense of being a parent or a wife. I still care a great deal for others, but I don’t want to change their diapers...

God is a God of Hope 2003A

Weird title, huh? This is a piece that I wrote back in 2003 and I don't believe it was ever used. I just thought I would post it here...If you like it let me know!

I wondered when I was given this assignment what I might write. I have often thought of God in the terms of the hope He brings. Just as I have always known and trusted that God would provide, I have always known that God would be with me, even through my darkest times. Believe me, I have had some dark times.

The best and one of the most recent examples of God’s hope incarnate for me involves my granddaughter, Lilli.

It was on September 11, 2001 that we as Americans and human beings of the world suffered a great tragedy. I had been watching the news that day and saw the events live as they happened. Like so many churches, Highland had a prayer service that evening for the ones who were lost and for our country in general. It was a solemn service and very emotional.

I had told Lori about the service, but as usual she was running a bit late. Then I saw them come in the back, Lori and almost one-year-old Lilli. I don’t know if had been intentional or not, but Lori had dressed Lilli in a t-shirt that had an American flag on it. Well, as one year olds are apt to do she got a bit fidgety near the end of the service, so I took her to the back in case we needed to leave. She settled down and at the end of the service we sang, “It is well with my soul”. It was a precious moment for me. We came to the last refrain and I noticed Lilli was singing, too. I don’t remember her ever doing that before. At the same time I saw that she was looking at our Revelation window. I just wept.

In that precious little one, the one that Jesus said, if you come to Me as…was there giving me hope for the future. I knew that night there was someone who didn’t have to feel the pain and grief that we all felt that day. That innocence still remained. There was someone out there who wasn’t afraid and didn’t know the horror of watching, as thousands of people died that day. She is not scarred by that memory.

My little granddaughter, Lilli gave me hope that God is here, incarnate, with us every day, no matter what happens in our lives. She shows me regularly that I need to trust my heavenly parent like she trusts us to provide for her.

God of Hope, come to us through the trusting hearts of children. May their innocence be an example of how we are to trust in You. Amen

A Work of Art

I found this as I was cleaning up some files today. I hope that it means as much to you as it does to me. Sometimes through great tribulation, is birthed great art.

Edward Fischer writes in Notre Dame Magazine (February, 1983), that a leper in Fiji followed the leading of his twisted hands. He became an internationally known artist. "My sickness I see as a gift of God leading me to my life's work," he said. "If it had
not been for my sickness, none of these things would have happened."
As a young girl, Jessamyn West had tuberculosis. She was so sick that she was sent away to die. During that time she developed her skill as a writer and authored numerous novels in her lifetime.
That great author Flanner O'Connor suffered numerous ailments -- lupus struck her at 25 and she walked only with the aid of crutches for the final fourteen years of her life. She noted, however, that this illness narrowed her activities in such a way that she had time for the real work of her life, which was writing.
Some people succeed in spite of handicaps. Others succeed because of them. The truth is...our problems help to make us what we are. Those who suffer often learn the value of
compassion. Those who struggle often learn perseverance. And those who fall down
often teach others how to rise again. Our troubles can shape us in ways a care-free existence cannot.
A story is told of an Eastern village which, through the centuries, was known for its exquisitely beautiful pottery. Especially striking were its urns; high as tables, wide as
chairs, they were admired around the globe for their strong form and delicate beauty.
Legend has it that when each urn was apparently finished, there was one final step. The artist broke it -- and then put it back together with gold filigree.
An ordinary urn was then transformed into a priceless work of art. What seemed finished wasn't...until it was broken.
So it is with people! Broken by hardships, disappointments and tragedy, they can be either discarded or healed. But when mended by a hand of infinite patience and love, the finished product will be a work of exquisite beauty -- a life which could only reach its completeness after it was broken.
If you feel broken remember...you are a work of art! And you may not actually be complete until the pieces are reassembled and bonded with a golden filigree of love.

Copyright 1999 by Steve Goodier

This article may be found at:
http://www.allthingsfrugal.com/g.workofart.htm

HOW TO START A GARDEN…

WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE DOING.

First, this came about as a way for me to take some ownership of where I was at in my physical existence. My boyfriend, significant other, life partner (oh, I don’t even like that one!) or whatever term you like to insert here, Jim are currently living in a house, sharing it with his friend Richard. He and I share a small bedroom and have use of the rest of the house as well. It wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the fact that we can’t really afford to live anywhere else and I feel like I have no other choice. We only planned to be here for a few weeks, but it has turned into over two years now.

Part of my problem is that I am used to be in charge of making household decisions. How things are set up, where things are stored, etc. I am doing better now, but I really struggled with having to share those decisions with someone. After all, both of the husbands I have had, I didn’t give a whit about any such thing. So for all of my adult life I have made those decisions for myself. Now I had to face the fact that I was now going to have to share those decisions with someone with whom I am not comfortable being around.

Anyway, the garden was a way for me to regain a little control of decision making in my life. It has been very therapeutic for me.

THE GARDEN

If you want to plant a garden, you first need to have a place to put it. I looked at the back yard here and realized that there was some space that was partially fenced off that had one time been used as a garden. I took it upon myself to reclaim some of that space to plant a few things. Something rather small and simple, having no idea of how what to do next.

First I chose a space that both had some sun exposure and was not so far away from the house that I would not want to go out there. Then I had to think about how big a garden I could manage. I knew from the way my physical health had been that I might want to keep it small, just so I wouldn’t be overwhelmed.

Next, I had to prepare the soil. I started with my little garden trowel and began digging up the grass and weed that had been there for several years. I figured if I did a little at a time, I would be able to do that pretty easily. All the weed pulling and digging took me about three weeks; after all I was working back then. If you saw it, you would laugh. It is only about 3 feet square.

My next task was to decide what it was that I wanted to plant in my garden. I had some ideas of what I didn’t want. Tomatoes were out, Richard was the only one who really eats raw tomatoes, and I just don’t know if it would be worth it. Plus, not knowing what I am doing and having to deal with the local wildlife didn’t seem to be a good idea. Green beans, same thing except I love green beans, it’s the animal thing I would have to deal with. I finally went to Wal-Mart and took a look at what they had that was affordable. I finally decided on a couple of squash plants and picked up some other gardening supplies (potting soil, Miracle-Gro, etc) as well. I know Jim like spinach and I thought I might try that, too.

Okay, now we are ready to go and had to find the time and plant things. How to do any of this was just a guess to me. I just did most of it by using common sense.

I got started a little late and for most people that know me that is not a big surprise. Anyway, by the time I got started on this project we were into May. As I said, I was working, plus we had a really rainy spring here. So there were delays upon delays. By the time I got the squash in the ground it was late May and a little bit late for planting, but I was assured that it was not too late. I also decided that I would put in some potatoes, since that didn’t involve purchasing anything extra. I had potatoes under the kitchen sink.

Along with the potatoes and squash I also planted some sunflowers that were started by one of the children at church. I also wanted to have something for the deck outside, so I started some coleus from seed, something else new to me.

The coleus turned out very well. I ended up with three boxes of beautiful plants. I did learn that they don’t like too much sun. They look beautiful out on the deck.

I am going to stop here, but check back soon and I will tell you how the garden actually did.