101 Uses for Baking Soda and other Life Tales

Praises!!!

2011-01-09T18:16:00.000-05:00

What an amazing time for me! Things are changing, right before my eyes! I don't know if I have much to say right now other than that! All I do know is that I have just been singing all day! Praise be to God for God's marvelous blessings! Worthy is the Lamb, the babe in the manger, my sovereign Lord!

Alone at last...

2010-12-28T21:23:00.000-05:00

Any one who knows me know that I came from a big family and have always been surrounded by people. Whether it's parents and siblings, spouses and children or at this point, housemates. I have been one of group living, so to speak. That is until this past week! As of today I have been apartment/cat sitting for my friend, Megan who is out of town.

I believe that this is the longest time I have purposely been alone in my entire life. Part of me is enjoying it, but there is another part of me that is getting really bored. I don't have a lot to do and I'm even getting bored with Facebook! If you would have told me a few weeks ago that I could ever be bored with Facebook, I would have laughed quietly and let you enjoy that fantasy.

Now to say that I am alone is not completely true. I did mention a cat, didn't I? One of the big reasons I am here is to take care of her highness, Miss Gracie Lou Fluffybutt! I say that jokingly, she is spoiled, but we seem to be getting along just fine. We have our disagreements; I want to sit my things on the table next to the bed (clearly a no-no)...it blocks her path to the window, we are working on boundary issues (no you can't play with my glasses!). But she knows where the treats are kept and will come ask if she wants some, even if it is 4am!

Overall, I'm doing okay. Just having trouble getting myself motivated to make some of the phone calls or do the things I need to do. I wonder if I am going to have this much trouble doing what I need to do if I really get a place of my own?

What a Wonderful year!

2010-12-23T07:14:00.000-05:00

Well, it's December 23rd and almost Christmas. I'm amazed at the way this year has gone. But then I usually am. Saying what I am thankful for and counting and recounting every blessing. This time I have decided to write it down here.

The biggest thing to have happened this year is having the ability to let go. There is a song we sing at Friday Church that is called "Release and Let Go". I took that as my mantra for the summer. There were a lot of things I just needed to let go of. Some things that made me angry, some things that broke mt heart, but I had to leard to "let it all go" as the song says.

The next big thing for me was I changed from singing tenor to alto in choir. Now some might think that isn't a big deal. But it has caused me to face a few things. One, I don't care for sitting with the women. I keep thinking that this is going to make me identified with these women. Sounds stupid, I know but that is how I felt when I first changed parts. Two, I have to learn all new parts. I have been skating along, all these years, in the tenor section, especially during the holidays, because we sing a lot of the same music from year to year and so I only had a limited amount of music I had to actually learn. Number three, I no longer stand out. When I sang tenor, I was an anomaly. I liked that, I stood out! Which leads to some the other things that have happened this year.

My friend, Megan said that she finally had to realize that she was not going to be the big time, hot shot and accept what God has given her. One of her favorite sayings comes from Mother Theresa, "None of us can do anything great on our own, but we can all do a small thing with great love." Truth is, not many of us really get to be the "hot shot" we dream of, but we are all called to do the small things, with great love. That is one of the things I have learned and still learning from Megan. She is one of the big things that has happened to me this year.

I asked God to send me someone to help me get out of the situation I am in. I knew what I wanted and needed, but didn't have the clarity of thought to do it on my own. God sent me Megan. I have known her for a long time, but just casually. Now, I am cat-sitting for her while she is out of town. She comes to the house to pick me up. She helps me run errands that otherwise don't get done or they are done at Jim's convenience (and with a lot of heavy sighing or complaining). Over all she is helping me to get up and live the life I should be living.

Something else happened this year. There are several people in my family who have passed away. I mentioned most of them in a previous post. One I didn't mention was my stepsister Anita. This is really strange because I can't for the life of me remember her last name. It's in my head somewhere, but it isn't coming to where I can access it.

Another thing, related to the music is that I gained enough confidence to be able to go on a choir tour with members of our Sanctuary Choir and 12 African Students, studying in Morocco. Voices United! I now have a whole new world of friends from that experience. That was one of the most wonderful and exhausting experiences of my life.

I also went of vacation, alone this year! Something I had never done!

And look at me, writing all this stuff about me!

Wow, Something Happened!

2010-11-29T17:25:00.001-05:00

Well, something happened this year. In spite of unusual tension surrounding the holidays, Thanksgiving went very well. There was the missing orange juice for the sauce over the sweet potatoes and the travel arrangments for the the family overflow this year. When it comes right down to it, those things were minor in comparison to the things I have to be thankful for.

My Thanksgiving begins on Thursday morning with church and then breakfast at HBC. I stayed with Megan Wednesday night so that she wouldn't have to come out to pick me up and so that I didn't have to go in with the alternative ride, the "Eggman" (Steve Brown) had to be there at 6am. I'm still not a morning person!

Part of the church service is the naming of things we are thankful for. The things I am thankful are not so tangible this year. Some of them are:

1. My children: Lori is doing better- While she had a bad relationship earlier this year. She got herself out of it and is now talking to someone that we think we like. Josh has grown alot this year- He had to move out of the house with Elizabeth, but that wasn't all bad. He has finally found an apartment. He has a lot to learn, but he seems to be doing okay.

The best part of this is that I have finally been able to get both my kids to depend on me less!

2. Me: I have done a lot of work on me this year. I went on vacation, by myself for the first time in about 20 years and I got to go on a choir tour with a group of students studying in Morocco. How blessed I am!

3. My Friends: I am learning to trust people and myself a little more. I have prayed that God give me direction for my life. I have been unemployed for almost two years. Learning that some of the things I attributed to others, was in my mind, helped me to understand some of the ways I could work on myself. That helps me to have a clearer understanding of the direction my life is taking.

I'm going to stop here for now. Iam going to try to post more often, but we will see what happens!

Okay, So I skipped yesterday!

2010-11-22T13:07:00.000-05:00

Yes, I skipped writing yesterday, but then Sunday's are always busy. Yesterday was proof that my children still have issues, but different ones. It took forever to get things organised, yesterday. Church was very good, Lilli rang handbells for the first time in worship. They really did a good job! I continue to be impressed by the music program at Highland! Thanks to Rick, Libby, Mac and Marilyn for all the work you do with our children.

After church, there was planning for lunch. I told the kids that I could not treat them to lunch this week. Lori was okay with that, but Josh managed to talk someone into fronting him for lunch with the guarantee that he would pay them back. I was not happy, but I guess I need to let him be responsible for himself.

As I continue to make my plans, I really need to maintain some focus. I made a list of things I need to do this week and now I must find a way to do them.

Day 2

2010-11-21T00:06:00.001-05:00

Wow, here I am for the second day in a row! I did something yesterday that I had been needing to do for a couple of weeks. Well, I did more than that, I have made some decisions. The first decision I made was this...I know that it is doing me no good sitting here at Carol Rd. I really need to get up out of here! So, I made a call to someone who may be able to help me. I hesitate to say who it was at this time, but needless to say, this person has many connections and told me that she would look into the situation and help me to see what my options are. I then copied a not to several of my friends who have been helping me.

I also went to Friday Church! My friend, Joe was there...he is really supportive of what is going on. The service was good and I talked to Keisha. She encourged not to fear; reminding me that God is at my side, always! She said that God would not leave me with out a roof over my head, food to eat or without anything else I might need.

God has put some great people of faith in my path! More later.

Things just have to move on from here!

2010-11-19T09:53:00.000-05:00

What happened? There was a time when I lived on my own and I got out there and did what it was I needed to do. It seems that over the last five years or so, I have become this slug. Now, I can't seem to get motivated to do anything on my own. My friends are trying to help me, but I only do things when they are available. When I am on my own, I do little more than sit around and play computer games.

It's not like I don't know what I need to do and when I am away from home, I seem to get more done. But, when I go home, I'm back to sitting in front of the computer. I know I have potential, I know that I have a lot going for me, but for the life of me I can't seem to figure out what it is that is holding me back! Am I that afraid of getting out there on my own? Is it so scary that I am frozen in my tracks? Maybe it's just laziness? Maybe, just maybe, I am just making excuses not to do what I need to do.

Well, I need to think about this some more. I'm going to stop and go do something else. What I do know just from this little bit is that something needs to change and that being able to write like this is good for me.

It's Been a Mighty Long Time

2010-10-11T14:00:00.001-04:00

As the title indicates, it has been a mighty long time since you have seen me here. Life has been rather busy and summer seemed to have flown by. Let me fill you in on just how crazy things have been.

Since I am now an empty nester and I don't have children around all the time I tend to forget just how quickly they grow up. This year, Lilli turned 10, my son Josh got his first apartment (yes, he went kicking and screaming into adulthood) and my nephew Stephen got married and his sister Amie has a baby due the first of the year. It's not just relatives, either. Eric, who I thought was going to end up a confirmed bachelor, got married, to the lovely Amanda. There are more babies due than I can shake a stick at. Carol, Shanda, Brittany, Molly, Allie and I've already told you about Amie...

On the end of life side, there have been friends and family who have gone home for the last time. Danny Brunton, Emily Thomas, Jessie Davis, Alvie Ray Miller, Ann Mildred Miller, and Juanita Glaze. All of these folks passed away in the past two months. They will be missed.

I guess this is all for now. I always say I hope to write more often and I guess I do mean that, maybe it will happen!

This week

2010-04-18T20:23:00.002-04:00

When I say this week, I really mean the last seven days, not the ones to come...

Under "Kids Say the Darndest Things" we have my great nieces, Jaide, age 6 and Chloe, age 3.

Jaide: "Justin Beaver(Beiber)is not only cute, he is S-I-X!"

(We think she was trying to spell sexy!) What I want to know is What does a 6 year old think sexy is?

Chloe: (At the dinner table) "I want some ass-o-sauce!(applesauce)

Another Christmas Memory

2009-12-31T11:56:00.000-05:00

Today's memory is not so much a memory but a tradition. There are many things that could be considered a tradition. The walnuts in Pappee’s slippers were a tradition, in the sense that it was something that probably started with my mom and continued with the grandchildren. Everyone seems to have things that they do every year. We have several things, those are the things I have been writing about and will write about in the days to come.

A fresh fruit salad was one of the dishes always on the table at Christmas dinner. It seemed that every year, no matter what the economic condition, there was a fruit salad. Apples (a couple of different kinds), oranges, tangerines, grapes (sometimes with seeds, sometimes not), bananas and walnuts (not the kind that we already shelled, but the ones we shelled by hand) were all a part of the dish. Most of the time, I remember that it was my grandmother, Mammaw who did all the work. As we girls got older, we got to help. I can remember many times, sitting at the kitchen table cracking walnuts! It was one of our favorite dishes at the holidays!

Today, Mammaw, Pappee, Mom and Dad are all gone. Produce is much more expensive these days, but still we manage to have our fruit salad. For me, it is a precious memory of what was.

Christmastide is here, Part 2

2009-12-28T16:51:00.000-05:00

As I was thinking about what memory to share, I told my daughter Lori, what I was doing. She reminded me of something that I did for her and her daughter on their first Christmas. I think I will let tell you that story sometime in the future. For me, I want to share some memories that were important in my life, not what I have done for others. That isn't who I am.

Many of my favorite memories of Christmas involve my grandparents. I don't know why that surprises me; they were such a big part of my life! My grandfather, Roscoe Lindsey, especially so. He was a rock and I later learned and recovering alcoholic. But he was a good Christian man and I never saw him take a drink.

Pappee, as we called him, always enjoyed playing with the grandchildren. One of his favorite Christmas gags was to tell the kids that he hoped that when Santa came on Christmas Eve that he didn't fill his house slippers with walnuts, as he always seemed to do. And of course he would go to bed and one kid would be chosen to go in and get his house slippers after he "went to sleep". We would fill his slippers with walnuts and place them back where they were, next to the bed. The next morning, Pappee would get up and go to put his feet in his slippers...sure enough; Santa had filled his slippers with nuts, once again! You would hear him holler from the bedroom...I never got tired of that!

Christmastide is here!

2009-12-26T23:32:00.002-05:00

Well, the intention was there...I was going to write a Christmas memory for every day of Christmastide, but I was so tired last night, I simply went to bed. Since this one is about Christmas when I was 2 years old, it would only be right to dedicate this to my little grandson, Andrew, also two years old.

Today, I begin with my earliest Christmas memory. When I was 2 years old I remember Santa coming to my Mammaw and Pappee's house. He brought me and my new little brother, Wayne who had been born in May of that year, our presents. It was so cool! Santa brought me twin dolls, a doll bed and a play iron and ironing board. And before he left, my Mammaw grabbed him and gave him a big ol' kiss, right on the mouth! He was so surprised that he just fell down right in the floor!
Now, you might speculate that I really don't remember that happening. I can tell you that I have heard stories about that event, all of my life. There is also a home movie of this same event, somewhere?

News from the front

2009-12-10T14:44:00.001-05:00

I have been reading from other people's blogs, posts on Facebook and other places and it has given me much to think about. I'm not sure just what I want to write about today. I just felt the need to get some of these things out of my head!

It has been a pretty interesting year for me. I have been unemployed for most of 2009 and consequestly had to rely on unemployment insurance for the first time. That has been at times a frustrating experience. Sometimes, not worth the small amount I receive, but in all I am very grateful.

Not working has also made me look at some other things in my life. One was what to do with myself when I couldn't find a job. This year I have done several thing to keep me busy. I have begun to work more diligently on my crafts. in other words my crocheting. Another thing I have done is to start working on myself a little more. Next week I have an appointment with Vocational Rehab, to go over a "career plan" with my caseworker. I am also considering doing something about where I live. I am no longer satisfied sitting here and doing nothing.

The biggest problem for me, is that I am a natural procratinator. It really is hard for me to keep the momentum going. I'm not sure what it will take to get me out of this rut, but I am determined to do it. I have finished raising my children and now it is time for me to do what I need to do.

There, that's a start! I know there is more to come!

A new perspective

2009-11-19T13:00:00.002-05:00

I have been reading some of the blogs my friends write and have come to some conclusions. I think it might be good for me to take some time and just write about the things that are on my mind. I say this because there are times when I have so much in my head, I find that writing helps to clear my mind.

So watch out, I will be here more often or that is the plan right now, more later!

Reflections on Addiction and Recovery

2009-10-22T23:37:00.005-04:00

Tonight, I was listening to the speaker at the AA meeting at SIS. As I listened to the experiences of those who were in attendance, I began to think and compare their experiences to those I had when I was at my wildest. I can remember being at some of the same points as those I heard speak. Were it not for making some different decisions and God's grace, I would most certainly be in the same position as they are today.

I can remember thinking that I thought I was cool when I tried pot for the first time. I wanted to fit in and I had never had the courage when I lived in Jefferson County. It wasn't around, I guess. I can remember drinking Wild Turkey with Tommy at the place where his sister lived, not far from where I live now. That was daring, but more acceptable in my family. While I can trace these beginnings and I could blame the things that were going on at home, I still have to take responsibility for my part in the choices I made.

I know that God must have had some plans for me because things could have turned out so different.

Change is Good

2009-10-16T12:02:00.021-04:00

Somethin's happenin' here, what it is ain't exactly clear, singing songs and carrying signs...that seems to be the song that comes to mind these days. Not because of the conflict in our nation, although that may be part of it, it seems to have more to do with my personal life than anything else. So many things are happening that it sometimes makes my head spin. You know what happens when you finally get to a point where you either do something or sit around and wait for the end of life? I was at that point at the beginning of summer.

I am at the age where I no longer have to responsibility of children and it seems that the work I have done in the past is not nearly as relevant as it once was. In other words, I want to live and feel and do something before I get so old that I can't. I am not sure as to what that is, but I know that it is out there.

Is that a midlife crisis?

In an earlier post I wrote about some of the things that went on this summer. My next younger sibling turned 50, my baby brother announced that he was "volunteering" for his second tour of duty, this time to Afghanistan and my time singing with the Friday Night Band had come to an end. Oh, and I am unemployed! While all these things were fairly important, in and of themselves, the emotional and spiritual changes that came along with them were equally as significant.

For the last four years, since Dad had died I have been living with my friend Jim. (I hate the term boyfriend, sounds so high school and all.) At first things were good, we lived in the house that he had rented for many years and we also had other roommates, as well. But after being there for only eight short months, we found out that the owner was selling the house and that we would need to move. That brings us to where we are now. Because we had to move in a hurry and there wasn't time to save money to move, our only real choice was to move in with another friend of Jim's. A man that had a home, not far away from where we were living. That all took place three years ago.

When we moved in there, Jim was sure that it would be short term and had told me that I shouldn't get comfortable. I know that he told me that for my own good. Now it has been three years and I'm still not comfortable and I want to have a place of my own.

That brings me back to the Summer of 2009.

This summer I decided that I had all I could take. I have difficulties with depression and a lot of physical ailments as well. I had become so depressed from looking for work and not being able to find anything, the whole issue with the band was devastating. I was about to give up! As a matter of fact I had given up! All of my days seemed to be filled with sitting in front of the television set and at the computer. My brain was going numb!

It was at that point when I started having contact with some friends from my past. These friends seemed to have some ideas that sounded promising. I decided to take a look at what they were talking about and see if there was indeed something there for me.

I can't say it was really just my friends though. I do believe that God had a hand in this. I think God knew that I was a the bottom and that is when God sent my friends to make me look up! And looking up is what I needed to do. I have started back to reading (thanks John and Michael), I have started meditating, and walking, and I started taking time to do the things I need to do for myself (thanks to Monte, Cynthia and Joe). I have lived all my life doing what I thought was right, what I thought was expected of me and denying myself in order to make it happen. I have put my dreams away. partly due to fear of what others would say or how they would react. It is at this point, now that I no longer accept that as reality.

I know that by declaring that I will conquer my fear and be the woman that God has intended for me to be, that it will not always be easy. And well, there is that fear of the unknown lurking out there, fear that God is going to drop me in the middle of something scary or hurtful or dangerous, but I know that is silly because I have faith that God knows what God is doing. In other words, I have a fear of losing control.

Or maybe it was a fear of taking control? Now that I think about it, I'm not sure that what I was really tired of is not being in control. In reality, I think maybe I had given up control instead and allow others to direct things for me.

Today, I am staying with my daughter, Lori. It's temporary because she suddenly got very ill and needed help with my granddaughter, Lilli. I have been here for a week and I don't know for sure how much longer I will need to be here. but I am here and God is using me and blessing me. A lot has changed since May 2009 and I had made a statement on my Facebook page that I had felt that 2009 was going to be year of change for me. It surely has, but it's not over...

How I spent my summer

2009-09-16T14:51:00.004-04:00

I don’t ever remember having to write that terribly strange essay about what I did over the summer or on my Summer Vacation, I’m sure that I did, I just don’t remember it. I guess the reason I don’t remember is that I never thought my summers were anything out of the ordinary. Well, this time I am going to tell you about my summer. Some of it was good, some not so good.

It started out fairly well, Lori and Lilli were going to have their first dry (free from drugs and alcohol) summer ever and Josh was temporarily employed at Churchill Downs and living with Elizabeth. I was unemployed, looking for work. Still singing with the Friday Night Band and living with Jim. This is how things have been for the past nearly a year.

We knew that my brother, Leon was going to Afghanistan, but not exactly when. After all they have been talking about this for some time. Donna and Denise are busy working and Wayne turned 50 in May.

With all this going on, we decided to have a family picnic in early June in anticipation of Leon’s being away for Guard training and the summer heat. It was at the picnic that this story starts.

The picnic itself was fairly well organized, it came off really well. Almost all the kids showed up and we had a good time. But every one of my siblings thinks they are in charge and often there are too many chiefs and not enough Indians. (Not a racist comment!) After all we are part Cherokee…

We had more food; we could have easily fed ten more people. Steven was at the grill and then there came the time for Leon’s big announcement. He announces that he is going to Afghanistan in August and that he and his wife, Pam of over 20 years are getting a divorce. He acted like these things were related and that it was going to be a big surprise to us all.

It was sometime after that that I stopped singing with the band. All I can say about that is that things have a beginning and an ending. Things change and so must we all adapt to the change. Just one note about this; as much as it hurt in the beginning to not be part of the band, I understand why this happened and realize that it was time for the change and I have accepted it. Traumatic as that was, I have moved on.

Health issues have been a topic this summer, as well. We had a recheck of the earlier in the year colonoscopy. In the space of three weeks I had a tooth pulled and an episode with my gall bladder. Each of those problems has caused me to rethink some of the ways I have been living.

Needless to say, I have had to adjust my diet and my attitude toward nearly everything. I looked at my life, my health and yes, some of my relationships. I am no longer happy to sit here. I had almost forgotten who I was and what made me happy.

Today, I have almost completely eliminated meat from my diet. I am back to reading and writing. I am looking for a job, but I have also gone back to Vocational Rehab. I am starting to take charge of my life again. I have decided I have lived in Richard’s house long enough. He needs to have his home back; I can see that in him. I don’t know how long it is going to take, but I know that I am moving in the right direction. I just pray that God will give me the patience to do this the right way.

The other change…I have discovered a new freedom. In all the things that have happened this summer, I have realized that something else has ended as well. I am no longer just Lori and Josh’s mom, not in my eyes or in the eyes of others. I know that I am now in a new phase of my life and that it is out there for me to discover. What does that mean? I’m not sure yet. I do know that for the first time in my life I don’t feel I have to take care of someone. I mean that in the sense of being a parent or a wife. I still care a great deal for others, but I don’t want to change their diapers...

God is a God of Hope 2003A

2009-05-07T15:29:00.001-04:00

Weird title, huh? This is a piece that I wrote back in 2003 and I don't believe it was ever used. I just thought I would post it here...If you like it let me know!

I wondered when I was given this assignment what I might write. I have often thought of God in the terms of the hope He brings. Just as I have always known and trusted that God would provide, I have always known that God would be with me, even through my darkest times. Believe me, I have had some dark times.

The best and one of the most recent examples of God’s hope incarnate for me involves my granddaughter, Lilli.

It was on September 11, 2001 that we as Americans and human beings of the world suffered a great tragedy. I had been watching the news that day and saw the events live as they happened. Like so many churches, Highland had a prayer service that evening for the ones who were lost and for our country in general. It was a solemn service and very emotional.

I had told Lori about the service, but as usual she was running a bit late. Then I saw them come in the back, Lori and almost one-year-old Lilli. I don’t know if had been intentional or not, but Lori had dressed Lilli in a t-shirt that had an American flag on it. Well, as one year olds are apt to do she got a bit fidgety near the end of the service, so I took her to the back in case we needed to leave. She settled down and at the end of the service we sang, “It is well with my soul”. It was a precious moment for me. We came to the last refrain and I noticed Lilli was singing, too. I don’t remember her ever doing that before. At the same time I saw that she was looking at our Revelation window. I just wept.

In that precious little one, the one that Jesus said, if you come to Me as…was there giving me hope for the future. I knew that night there was someone who didn’t have to feel the pain and grief that we all felt that day. That innocence still remained. There was someone out there who wasn’t afraid and didn’t know the horror of watching, as thousands of people died that day. She is not scarred by that memory.

My little granddaughter, Lilli gave me hope that God is here, incarnate, with us every day, no matter what happens in our lives. She shows me regularly that I need to trust my heavenly parent like she trusts us to provide for her.

God of Hope, come to us through the trusting hearts of children. May their innocence be an example of how we are to trust in You. Amen

A Work of Art

2008-12-22T13:01:00.003-05:00

I found this as I was cleaning up some files today. I hope that it means as much to you as it does to me. Sometimes through great tribulation, is birthed great art.

Edward Fischer writes in Notre Dame Magazine (February, 1983), that a leper in Fiji followed the leading of his twisted hands. He became an internationally known artist. "My sickness I see as a gift of God leading me to my life's work," he said. "If it had
not been for my sickness, none of these things would have happened."
As a young girl, Jessamyn West had tuberculosis. She was so sick that she was sent away to die. During that time she developed her skill as a writer and authored numerous novels in her lifetime.
That great author Flanner O'Connor suffered numerous ailments -- lupus struck her at 25 and she walked only with the aid of crutches for the final fourteen years of her life. She noted, however, that this illness narrowed her activities in such a way that she had time for the real work of her life, which was writing.
Some people succeed in spite of handicaps. Others succeed because of them. The truth is...our problems help to make us what we are. Those who suffer often learn the value of
compassion. Those who struggle often learn perseverance. And those who fall down
often teach others how to rise again. Our troubles can shape us in ways a care-free existence cannot.
A story is told of an Eastern village which, through the centuries, was known for its exquisitely beautiful pottery. Especially striking were its urns; high as tables, wide as
chairs, they were admired around the globe for their strong form and delicate beauty.
Legend has it that when each urn was apparently finished, there was one final step. The artist broke it -- and then put it back together with gold filigree.
An ordinary urn was then transformed into a priceless work of art. What seemed finished wasn't...until it was broken.
So it is with people! Broken by hardships, disappointments and tragedy, they can be either discarded or healed. But when mended by a hand of infinite patience and love, the finished product will be a work of exquisite beauty -- a life which could only reach its completeness after it was broken.
If you feel broken remember...you are a work of art! And you may not actually be complete until the pieces are reassembled and bonded with a golden filigree of love.

Copyright 1999 by Steve Goodier

This article may be found at:
http://www.allthingsfrugal.com/g.workofart.htm

HOW TO START A GARDEN…

2008-09-03T14:12:00.002-04:00

WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE DOING.

First, this came about as a way for me to take some ownership of where I was at in my physical existence. My boyfriend, significant other, life partner (oh, I don’t even like that one!) or whatever term you like to insert here, Jim are currently living in a house, sharing it with his friend Richard. He and I share a small bedroom and have use of the rest of the house as well. It wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the fact that we can’t really afford to live anywhere else and I feel like I have no other choice. We only planned to be here for a few weeks, but it has turned into over two years now.

Part of my problem is that I am used to be in charge of making household decisions. How things are set up, where things are stored, etc. I am doing better now, but I really struggled with having to share those decisions with someone. After all, both of the husbands I have had, I didn’t give a whit about any such thing. So for all of my adult life I have made those decisions for myself. Now I had to face the fact that I was now going to have to share those decisions with someone with whom I am not comfortable being around.

Anyway, the garden was a way for me to regain a little control of decision making in my life. It has been very therapeutic for me.

THE GARDEN

If you want to plant a garden, you first need to have a place to put it. I looked at the back yard here and realized that there was some space that was partially fenced off that had one time been used as a garden. I took it upon myself to reclaim some of that space to plant a few things. Something rather small and simple, having no idea of how what to do next.

First I chose a space that both had some sun exposure and was not so far away from the house that I would not want to go out there. Then I had to think about how big a garden I could manage. I knew from the way my physical health had been that I might want to keep it small, just so I wouldn’t be overwhelmed.

Next, I had to prepare the soil. I started with my little garden trowel and began digging up the grass and weed that had been there for several years. I figured if I did a little at a time, I would be able to do that pretty easily. All the weed pulling and digging took me about three weeks; after all I was working back then. If you saw it, you would laugh. It is only about 3 feet square.

My next task was to decide what it was that I wanted to plant in my garden. I had some ideas of what I didn’t want. Tomatoes were out, Richard was the only one who really eats raw tomatoes, and I just don’t know if it would be worth it. Plus, not knowing what I am doing and having to deal with the local wildlife didn’t seem to be a good idea. Green beans, same thing except I love green beans, it’s the animal thing I would have to deal with. I finally went to Wal-Mart and took a look at what they had that was affordable. I finally decided on a couple of squash plants and picked up some other gardening supplies (potting soil, Miracle-Gro, etc) as well. I know Jim like spinach and I thought I might try that, too.

Okay, now we are ready to go and had to find the time and plant things. How to do any of this was just a guess to me. I just did most of it by using common sense.

I got started a little late and for most people that know me that is not a big surprise. Anyway, by the time I got started on this project we were into May. As I said, I was working, plus we had a really rainy spring here. So there were delays upon delays. By the time I got the squash in the ground it was late May and a little bit late for planting, but I was assured that it was not too late. I also decided that I would put in some potatoes, since that didn’t involve purchasing anything extra. I had potatoes under the kitchen sink.

Along with the potatoes and squash I also planted some sunflowers that were started by one of the children at church. I also wanted to have something for the deck outside, so I started some coleus from seed, something else new to me.

The coleus turned out very well. I ended up with three boxes of beautiful plants. I did learn that they don’t like too much sun. They look beautiful out on the deck.

I am going to stop here, but check back soon and I will tell you how the garden actually did.

What’s Missing?

2008-05-25T18:53:00.002-04:00

There are a lot of things to consider when it comes to making changes in how Christians practice what they believe. For nearly 2000 years we have ascribed to a few basic concepts. Humanity is basically sinful. Jesus came to save that world lost in that sin. To be redeemed from that sin, we need to repent and believe that Jesus came to this Earth to be the ultimate sacrifice. And once we believe that we cannot save our selves, but only through Jesus can we be saved, then we will go to Heaven when we die. What about the rest of the message of Jesus? It would be different if all that Jesus did were come to Earth and die on the cross to be the ultimate sacrifice. If we believe the Bible and the stories in it, then we have to realize that Jesus was much more than a substitution sacrifice for our sins. In other words, it was about more than salvation!

If what Jesus came for was to show us a new and different way of living, what is that way that He was trying to show us? In Mr. McLaren’s book, “Everything Must Change”, he says that there are two basic questions to look at. The first, “What are the biggest problems in the world?” And to follow up, “What does Jesus have to say about these global problems?”

Okay, in my prior writings, I told you a bit about myself and what this whole topic means to me. I have known for some time that in order to make a difference in this world, there needed to be a different attitude towards the world issues we see growing closer and worse every day. Now I need to tell you what the information in this book has caused me to think about. When I think about the questions posed, I automatically think of some of the most serious problems we face. It really comes down to what the Catholic Church calls the “seven deadly sins”. Greed, Sloth, Lust, Wrath, Envy, Gluttony and Pride. Or at least that is what is most basic. To be more specific we have to talk about our world condition. Because of all these deadly sins, we have genocide, global warming, poverty and extreme hunger. Then there are the problems regarding the love of power. Nations rising up against nation and violence against the innocent. I could go on and on, but at this point it seems overwhelming, doesn’t it? Mr. McLaren also provides some lists that different leaders or groups have published of what they believe are the most serious issues of our day. For those lists you will need to read the book.

It would seem that we as Christians would know what the message of Jesus has to say about such problems. Maybe it is just too simple for some. Jesus healed the sick, opened the eyes of the blind, raised the dead and generally ministered to those with whom He had contact. What is so complicated about that? This is the part where I believe that the head talk started coming in to play. I mean, I am a pretty simple and direct person and to me the answer is pretty clear. Do what Jesus did. Sometimes we make things way too difficult.

For the time we have spent talking, in the book study, I had known something was missing. I believe I knew what it was, but last week, at lunch, Matt said it, the thing that was missing in this whole discussion. LOVE Love is what’s missing. We have talked all around it, but it has all been head talk. I mean you can talk about change all you like, but if any of this is going to work, the love of Christ has to be in the equation. Just what is the Love of Christ? You tell me…

What is it that we need to do, Part Deux?

2008-05-02T17:33:00.004-04:00

In the first piece, I stated that I was having a difficult time talking about how I understand or what I feel about “Everything Must Change”. I mentioned how that Mr. McLaren doesn’t talk about Jesus in the way most of us have heard. I have since learned that there is a reason for not talking about the traditional salvation message. It is really been talked about so much that we have missed the rest of what Jesus has to say. For many, this has been a difficult book to talk about. Not because the topic itself is so unmentionable, but more that when we talk about Jesus and being church, it is usually a more spiritual, philosophical discussion. In this study, we are getting down to the ‘nuts and bolts’, so to speak. Some may say, “You’ve now gone from preaching to meddlin’!”

Now that I’ve said that, let me give a bit of my background and tell you how this topic has affected me. I think it started when I was 15 years old and I went on a mission trip with the Youth group at Metropolitan Baptist Church. I had been a part of this group since I was 8 years old and the trip was one of those “rites of passage” that we all look forward to. It was on that trip that my mind and heart were changed. My whole view of the world and of Christianity had changed. I realized for the first time that there were people in the world who were really suffering. We as young Christians were blown away by the amount of poverty we saw and were determined to make a difference.

As the years went by, I began to see the world through different eyes. I began to see new and different ways that we, as the Church might be able to reach out to the world. Some of it was naïve, I guess, but the spark was there nonetheless.

Then, in 1995 I moved into Americana. I have always cared about missions. I have always been concerned about the poor. I have always wanted to know more about the world and different cultures. Moving in to Americana did something to me. It was there that I learned so much about the rest of the world. I learned so much about the different cultures and had such a beautiful experience; it was really difficult for me when I had to move.

Americana is an apartment complex, here in Louisville. The apartments themselves have been here for about 60 years or so. They were originally built as military housing, but in recent years, have been home to many of this city’s marginally poor and a first home for many of the refugees coming to the United States. People from all the poorest places in the world, who come to Louisville, often live in Americana till they can get on their feet.

I had neighbors from Vietnam, Bosnia, El Salvador and Cuba. That was just in my building. There were also people from Iraq, Sudan, Laos, Nigeria, Nicaragua and Mexico. While the rest of the community struggled with the change, I saw the residents struggle with prejudice and fear.

As I look back, I see that I was almost always at odds with the ministers in my life. Still am, to some degree. I wasn’t at odds because I was trying to cause trouble. It was more like I didn’t see the world, or didn’t want to see the world the way that the Church or the church I knew saw it. I questioned preachers regarding doctrine, I read book after book, I listened to professors in college talk about religion and yet there were still things that just didn’t seem to fit.

I had read the stories of Jesus, sung the songs and listened to countless sermons. It still seemed like we were saying one thing and yet, doing something else. I mean, Jesus said to “Love your neighbor, as yourself”. Yet, there are so many things that we, as Christians should be doing. Someone else knows that we are missing the point!!! I really didn’t believe I was the only one who thought there was a problem. It is one thing to want to save the world; it is another to figure out how to save it.

In the book, “Everything Must Change”, there is a challenge to reexamine the stories of Jesus. We are challenged to look at the world’s problems and try to see what Jesus would really do. With his two questions, McLaren challenges us to take a look at what Jesus said and did, in the context of His time and how might we apply it to the world’s problems, today.

If you are reading this, please make a comment. I am really looking for feedback.

What is it that we need to do, as Christians, in the postmodern world in which we live?

2008-04-29T11:48:00.002-04:00

I am currently involved in a book study at Highland Baptist Church. It seems to me, that I am having a difficult time expressing my opinions regarding the issues raised in the book we are reading. Let me begin by telling you the name of the book, it’s author and then I will attempt to write here what my thoughts and feelings are regarding the book’s content.

The name of the book is ‘Everything Must Change, Jesus, Global Crises, and a Revolution of Hope’, written by Brian McLaren. Mr. McLaren has also written several other books, including ‘The Secret Message of Jesus’ and ‘A Generous Orthodoxy’. His work focuses primarily on what the message of Jesus is and how it relates to our world today. In Everything Must Change, McLaren poses two questions. The first, “What are the biggest problems facing the world, today?” He has several lists, from numerous sources. The second is, “What does Jesus have to say about these global problems?”

Mr. McLaren’s books are highly recommended by those who are interested in what is called the “emerging church” movement. Some would say that this is a cult, attempting to draw those who have been disillusioned by the ‘church’ into some false sense of “whatever I do is okay” and putting less emphasis on the salvific message we traditionally see in the Gospels. Others believe that maybe this is a way to rethink how we are as Christians. How do we apply the message of Jesus in our world today?

While I realize that there is definitely less emphasis on salvation in McLaren’s writings, I don’t believe that we have to see it that way. I believe that his ideas have merit. I don’t think he believes we should deny salvation altogether, and if he does, well he is just one man. I am going to put it out there…I am interested in what others think.

I may be opening a can of worms here, but I do value others opinions.

Please Read, For those who need help!

2008-03-01T23:12:00.002-05:00

Here is an article that was originally posted by my friend Madonna. If you are interested in reading more You can find her blog at: http://ww1.yuwie.com/profile/?id=40853

PLEASE SEEK HELP,TRY TO GET A GRIP,WE ALL NEED TO READ

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There are many definitions used to talk about codependency today. The original concept of codependency was developed to acknowledge the responses and behaviors people develop from living with an alcoholic or substance abuser. A number of attributes can be developed as a result of those conditions.

However, over the years, codependency has expanded into a definition which describes a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem solving developed during childhood by family rules.

One of many definitions of codependency is: a set of *maladaptive, *compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing *great emotional pain and stress.

*maladaptive - inability for a person to develop behaviors which get needs met.

*compulsive - psychological state where a person acts against their own will or conscious desires in which to behave.

*sources of great emotional pain and stress - chemical dependency; chronic mental illness; chronic physical illness; physical abuse; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; divorce; hypercritical or non-loving environment.

As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment.

Even when a codependent person encounters someone with healthy boundaries, the codependent person still operates in their own system; they’re not likely to get too involved with people who have healthy boundaries. This of course creates problems that continue to recycle; if codependent people can’t get involved with people who have healthy behaviors and coping skills, then the problems continue into each new relationship.

Why do we become codependent? What causes it?

It’s widely believed we become codependent through living in systems (families) with rules that hinder development to some degree. The system (usually parents and relatives) has been developed in response to some problem such as alcoholism, mental illness or some other secret or problem.

General rules set-up within families that may cause codependency may include:

It’s not okay to talk about problems
Feelings should not be expressed openly; keep feelings to yourself
Communication is best if indirect; one person acts as messenger between two others; known in therapy as triangulation
Be strong, good, right, perfect
Make us proud beyond realistic expectations
Don’t be selfish
Do as I say not as I do
It’s not okay to play or be playful
Don’t rock the boat.

Many families have one or more of these rules in place within the family. These kinds of rules can constrict and strain the free and healthy development of people’s self-esteem, and coping. As a result, children can develop non-helpful behavior characteristics, problems solving techniques, and reactions to situations in adult life

How can counseling help?

For people with codependency, individual counseling can teach assertiveness, listening, and communication. Counseling can help you become more aware of non-helpful actions/behaviors, and work with you on developing new, healthier coping skills.

In the case of codependency though, counseling only helps if the counselor is aware of their own tendency towards codependence, or if the counselor has some understanding about the addictive push in our society. Counselors, in the case of codependency, need to present good boundary setting and healthy living themselves during sessions with clients. If a counselor develops a working relationship with a client that has codependent qualities, again, the pattern is repeated, and therapy may not be as helpful. Some statistics show 50-80% of counselors have not addressed their own codependency issues. So one must be careful in choosing a counselor for this kind of support.

There are also self-help groups for codependency, called CODA groups. More information is available through local alcoholism services. If you can’t find a CODA group, there’s also ACA (adult children of alcoholics groups) that deal with similar issues CODA groups might deal with.

If you are interested in making some money, check out www.yuwie.com

Tell the Georgianna sent you!

My 50th Birthday

2007-12-31T14:56:00.000-05:00

This year, I celebrated a birthday milestone. On December 18, 2007, I turned 50 years old. While I had awaited this with great expectation, I had planned very special treats for various friends in the past and often pondered what they might do in return. I had imagined some great surprise, a big party or a special guest at the celebration; William Peterson (Grissom, CSI) was the best one I could think of.

While I pondered all this special attention to be made on me, my friends had something much more subtle in mind. We had a small, low-key celebration a couple of weeks before at Steve and Margie’s house. Cake and a couple of presents, but I couldn’t believe that that would be all there was to it. Turns out, it was and it wasn’t. I guess I still don’t get it. With my birthday being so close to Christmas, it is better to do this earlier in the month, so that everyone could be there. Steve, Margie Jim, Linda, Mitch, Rick, Becca and Eva all sang “Happy Birthday” and Becca and Eva helped me to blow out the 50 candles! We had to do it twice, so they could take pictures.

But even with that sweet gift from my friends, I still thought something even grander was in store. Silly me! On the Sunday before my birthday, last Sunday to be exact; my son Josh treated me to lunch and a movie. We went to Ditto’s, one of my favorite restaurants and saw “I am Legend” starring Will Smith. I didn’t want to go to one of the larger theaters, so we went to Baxter Avenue for the matinee. He would not let me spend any of my own money; he even bought me a cup of coffee after the movie while we waited for our ride. You have to understand that this is my 22-year-old son, who up until this fall had not had much of a job to speak of. Now he is taking his mother out for her birthday.

Now you would think I would be satisfied with that. But the tale is not over! On Tuesday, the actual day that I was born, my birthday, I was still contemplating this marvelous celebration. Up to and even when Jim came to pick me up from work, I was still not sure of what was happening. The best way to describe it is, it is like the story “Twas the Night Before Christmas”. Tales of sugarplums danced in their heads!

Steve had told me a few days prior that he and Margie had wanted to take me out to dinner for my birthday. Okay, that was a nice thing to do. What I didn’t expect was that it would turn into a family celebration. When he picked me up, I asked if he had decided where we were going or was that going to be up to me. He said we were going to the Old Spaghetti Factory, downtown. And by the way, all four of the boys and the in-laws, well one of them anyway, plus children were coming, too. Okay, but I still wanted to know what surprise was in store for me.

We got to the restaurant and had to wait for a table, of course. Bit by bit the kids started showing up. Even Jim was there. What I hadn’t really considered was that the grandchildren were going to be there.

Much to my surprise, Joel showed up with both Haley, his stepdaughter and his new son, Caden, 4 weeks old. Now, Caden and I had not met and what a wonderful birthday surprise. I guess you can say this was one of the best birthday’s I have ever had. Haley, Caden and I just had the best time ever. While the rest of the adults ate and talked, we sat and made faces and played and were just silly. It was just what I needed.

Peace Camp 2007

2007-08-04T13:48:00.000-04:00

I am now attempting to give you an update of this years Baptist Peace Fellowship of North America's Summer Conference or "Peace Camp" as it is so affectionately called. I was introduced to this back in 2000. This year it was held on the campus of Berea College in Berea, KY Now, I won't miss it! It has become just another part of home to me.

It was a great week and so good to see everyone. It is like this big family reunion and there are always some relatives that you have never met before. We had lots of good music thanks to Sy Kahn and Alecia Pagan and Ray Two Crows Wallen.
There were interesting speakers on some very interesting subjects. I went to one where Glen Stassen gave us some interesting ways to talk about bringing peace to our world. I also went to a writing workshop with Rita Nakashima Brock and learned about how to write your memories. We were also treated to a reading by Kentucky author, Wendell Berry. While I have heard Mr. Berry speak in the past, I have never read one of his books. That is going to change!

The other real important thing that we learned about last week was the status of the gulf area. Victims of Hurricane’s Katrina and Rita are still suffering and are in need of assistance. We met with three pastors from New Orleans who are working to bring attention and help to their community. The Baptist Peace Fellowship of North America has been working with these pastors to help rebuild. While we were at the conference, one of the member churches agreed to join in support of the effort in the Gulf Area.

Just as an aside, my church, Highland Baptist, sent a team of workers down to Chalmette this week to help with the rebuilding effort. This was something that was planned outside of the conference, but I was glad to be able to share with the pastors of our efforts.

I guess my favorite part of Peace Camp is the fellowship with my friends there. Sometimes we just sit around and talk, sometimes everyone brings their instruments and snacks and we have a sing-a-long. I don't think it is a surprise that this would be my favorite. If you know me, then you know how much I enjoy family and singing and the building of relationships. The snacks don't hurt, either!

You know us Baptists gotta have food!!!

All in all the week was very exhausting, it always is, but this time was so different for me in that I felt more like I had come home. Last year I was so sick and didn't feel up to doing much. I really didn't enjoy things as much as I did this year. I am so grateful to God that I am feeling better and have more energy.

Listen, sometime in the near future, my son Josh is going to be posting a video on his MySpace page from the Churches Supporting Churches group. When he does, I will make sure that a link will be available. We will also have some pictures from the week, itself.

Next year it is scheduled to be in Montreal!!!

Today is the first day of the rest of your life!

2007-07-02T11:56:00.000-04:00

You know that saying, we have all heard it at one time or another. I am witness to the fact that it is true and there are times when things happen that help you to realize that fact. I had such an experience this weekend.

I am is some ways a supermom. Anyone who knows me, knows that truth. It is the truth for a couple of reasons. First, there were things about the way I was raised that I didn't think were right or fair and I wanted to do better, that is normal. The second is that both of my children are special needs. My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD/LD in the first grade. My son was diagnosed with ADHD/EBD at age 5. Since rarely does the apple fall far from the tree, it was also apparent to me that this was something that my family has had to deal with in one way or another, always.

This second reason has caused me to feel the need to educate myself to help them get the services they need. It has also caused me to become very defensive and protective of them. Because I know that being overprotective is easy to do and almost a natural reaction to the situation, I have also worked very hard to be as objective in making the decisions I have made.

As a part of this learning process, I have come across people who did not understand what it was like to have children with these types of disabilities. Both family and friends had often wanted to give their "help", most of the time, unsolicited. Now this brings us to this weekend.

Some of the people who were not very understanding and gave me a hard time were members of the church I attended. This weekend I saw one of those people. Someone who I had respected when I first came to that church. this person eventually became someone who I dreaded seeing and over the years I have held some hostility for, because of the conflicts we had over my son.

I was very interested that during the service on Sunday morning that when this person , who had been asked to pray. In that prayer, was mention of forgiveness and reconciliation. I really heard that this person was trying to talk to me. I went to talk to them, after the service. That person said something to me that I thought I would never hear. I heard words of praise and support for all the work that I had done to support and help my son. They also offered prayers of healing and wholeness for my daughter who struggles.

Needless to say, I was flabbergasted and in tears. I have only been able to tell the story and Praise God since that moment. I have been thinking a lot this year about how there are so many changes going on. This incident was more proof to me that 2007 is a year for change for me. I believe that God is moving in my life.

An Update

2007-05-02T12:55:00.000-04:00

Wow, it has been awhile since I have written! It took a lot longer to get through that surgery than I expected. I am so glad to be through with it and now I can tell you, it was all worth it.

I spent a lot of time getting ready to have this hernia surgery. It took me over a year to start the process. I was going to do this before Dad passed away and then he got sick and I had to wait. After that, I waited, for over a year. Almost too long. I was very sick when I finally had it done. I was so sick. I could barely walk, breathe or stand. I had little energy and was constantly in pain. This is a warning to those who put things off. I have learned that if you put health issues off too long you are doing nothing but putting your life in jeopardy.

Today, I am feeling so much better. I have more energy and the pain I had in my back is nearly gone. While I am not 100%, I am so much better. I can walk and stand for a much longer period of time and I have actually lost some weight. I know as time goes on thing will get even better.

Most of all, I give all glory to God for seeing me through this time. I complain a lot about my situation, but I know that He has provided for me everything I need. There have been times I have thought that I could handle things on my own. More and more I know that God is in control and that things run much smoother when I listen to Him.

Surgery

2007-01-06T18:34:00.000-05:00

I have been deep in thought this past week. I am preparing for surgery and one of the effects it has had on me psychologically. I find myself thinking about many things. Not about death as you might think, but about so many other things in my life. I have been thinking about my children and how they have turned out. I have been thinking about my job and who is going to do the work I do, while I am out. I have also been thinking about the world situation and how I was so saddened by the spectical of Saddam Housein's execution. Now I know there are people who will not understand my feelings, but I was saddened, none the less. If you have anything you would like to say...please let me know.